worst perhaps

i dont know why..
today i just feel like EMPTY.
or FLAT would be best to desribe how it feels..

at first, it became worst since gaining money for retreat is not that simple.
you know that i need to work very hard even it seems easy for them who only see it through their eyes..
you're not working on it dude..
3 million... you gotta do something for it!!!
bukan sekedar gw minta 3jt buat dp bis..
batalin aja retreat kalo lu ga punya duit 3jt...
copotin tuh banner2...

oh yeah!!
copot aja!!! KERJA APA SIH LU SELAMA INI!!
NGOMONG DOANK!!! BANTUIN AJA KGK.. MAKAN TUH DUIT!!!

MAU CARI TAU PACAR GW!!
CARI TUH PACAR GW SAMPE MATI..
KEPO BANGETH SIH JADI ORG!!
GA SUKA AJA LU LIAT TEMEN LU SENENG (kalo lu masih anggep temen, atau lu cuman manfaatin)...
PACAR PACAR GW.. KENAPA LU YANG HARUS MAU TAU.
PACAR PACAR GW.. KENAPA LU SELALU MIKIR ANEH2..

udh cukup gw pendem rasa kesel gw selama ini..
udh cukup gw berusaha sabar untuk tetep positive thinking...
udh cukup untuk gw menerima segalany..
sangat cukup buat gw nahan kata2 kasar bahkan gw pendem emosi itu sampe DI SINI...
DI HATI GW RASANY SAKIT BGT!!!

MAU LU APA SIH?
UANG UANG UANG!!
AMBIL TUH UANG!!
GW CARI ITU DANA!!!
TUGAS GW JALANIN DEH...
TP HARGAIN GW JG DONK..
JANGAN CUMAN BISA MINTA2...
KERJA! BANTUIN GW!
WELL THANKS FOR MAKING ME TOUGH..

gw akan buktiin ke lu..
Tuhan mau kerja atas gw, gw cari dana dan imma going to make it work..
for us!
thanks for tepiii...
i appreciate for what you've done..
thanks for always there when i really need someone to count on.

i know God, You'll give the best for me.
even if it seems rough..

well... its just passed by..
another scheme came...

about my best friend, fena..
i randomly told her not to smoke in front of my friends!!!
does she listen??
does she care?
why she always got mad of me when i never listened to her?
she never does the same things instead.

kenapa smua org tampak egois...
kenapa smua org susah bener ngertiin gw.
apa gw yg terlalu berlebihan minta diperhatiin?
apa gw yg kelewat egois sampe minta lebih dan lebih??

again, randomly reflect to myself..
i thought i've tried my best to be me..
i thought this is the best way to leave my past..

you know what,
you're righ.. its very difficult to forget my past..
im working on it...
i gotta go my own way..
walau itu menyakitkan banyak orang..
for sure, i know it is the best... for you, me and them.

cheer up...
if there isnt any problem come to my life, i wouldnt be me..
thanks guys to make tough
<3